People who deal with impostor syndrome: writers, therapists, women.
Me: writer, therapist, woman.
My psychiatrist once asked me who or what I thought got in my way.
“Oh, definitely me,” I said proudly, hoping to get a gold star as her Best Patient of the Day for the correct, self-aware answer.
In the past, I’ve always defeated myself before I get the chance to swing.
Here’s two great pieces of content that have really resonated with me lately.
I have been a fan of Kai Skye (formerly known as Brian Andreas) since high school. His words sneak up on me, surprising me how aptly they capture feelings I didn’t have words for, and cozy into my soul. This is from his book Bring Your Life Back to Life. I recently found a card with this quote on it in my mom’s little kitchen office and was reminded of the warmth of his words.
There’s been countless things I’ve wanted to do (mostly professionally) but was too scared to—and now know I would have done well at—that I’ve watched other people not only do, but fucking crush. I’m sick of watching, envious—and then feeling guilty for being envious because I do have so much in so many ways.
When I was in treatment, I’d just finished my yoga teacher training several months earlier and wasn’t sure if I was going to use it to teach yoga.
“Why not?” asked S.
“I’m afraid I’m going to fuck up in front of a whole class of people.”
“No, I WANT you to fuck up,” said S. “I want you to see that you can fuck up…and it will be fine.”
YOU NEED TO WATCH THIS.
I’m taking this why not me attitude from above along with the energy of this TikTok—either I’m pretty fucking smart for figuring out how to trick people into liking or me thinking I’m good at what I do…or I’m actually likable and good at what I do?
When I went to treatment, I asked a dear friend why she was friends with me. I legitimately could not understand why someone would want to be friends with this person whom I hated so much. I filed that in my back pocket/abyss of my inbox and have started tricking myself into liking myself more by thinking “huh, I guess people do actually like me or I’ve tricked them into liking me…maybe I could trick myself?”
I’m funny, smart, caring, generous and have a big heart. You should try being friends with me too! (I get real fucking weird too, though. Example: I need new swim goggles and texted these to one of my group chats and asked if they thought the goggles would steal my soul like they stole the models’ souls. Tell me I’m not alone in thinking this.)
I’m taking both of these energies into the year as I plan for how I want to show up as a therapist and writer. I have so many ideas that I’ve let languish—because I’m afraid to commit to any of them because if I can’t do all of them why should I do any of them? I currently have a post-it on my desk that says “you don’t have to do it all at once.”
OK wait one more TikTok.
Grace Atwood posted this one yesterday. The tldr: write about your year like it’s December 2023 and all of what you’ve wanted to happen this year has already happened. Write it as a letter to yourself or as a mini-memoir like the tiktoker suggested. And then—write the steps you’ll take to get there. Research shows that visualization is helpful–as long as it’s also followed by taking action!!! Even if you’re not ready to write about the whole year, write about this month, this week, or even just today.
From February me: I really improved my time management last month by planning out my days better and sticking to my time blocks like they are actual meetings, and I set up a regular cadence for my newsletter and wrote out more in advance.
What energy are you bringing into this year? What would you put in your mini-memoir or letter from future self for this week/month/year?